Do I lie?
by 0Warrior0Maiden0
Summary: What if Alice broke her promise to Edward when they left? What if she looked for Bella? Another take on Edward leaving Bella. THIS IS NOT THE SAME AS THE BOOK!
1. Chapter 1

What if Alice broke her promise to Edward? What if she looked for Bella when they left? Another take on Edward leaving Bella, mostly in EPOV, some others later. THIS IS NOT THE SAME AS THE BOOK!

**AN; This is not the same as the book, it just starts out that way. This is my first Twilight fanfiction, please be nice and bare in mind that I haven't had long to get into their heads, as it were. Having said that, I can deal with Flames, so just be honest really, and review!;-)**

I thought she was safe with us, I remember not thinking that at the start, trying to get her to avoid me, I wasn't safe for her, but that had faded with time, I'd become complacent, forgetting how real a threat we are to her, not just me, but the rest of my family too. I never thought Jasper would attack her like that.

Even I had to hold my breath, the scent was so sweet, so enticing, I wanted to drink; I felt that I needed to drink, to kill her, my love.

No. She was not safe with us; she couldn't stay with us anymore. We would leave.

Bella walked into the room, she'd been having her Human Moment. I was sitting on her bed, fiddling with the paper of one of her birthday presents.

"Hi" My voice was sad; I would have to hide it better than that.

Bella crossed the room, pulled the gift from my hands and sat herself down on my lap, leaning into me.

"Hi, Can I open my presents now?"

I smiled slightly, "Where did the enthusiasm come from?" _That was better, the sadness was gone_.

"You made me curious" She reached across and picked up Carlisle and Esme's present.

"Allow me" I took the gift and tore the paper from it before handing it back.

"Think I can handle lifting the lid?" I analysed it for a moment, surely not even Bella could hurt herself lifting the lid of a box.

She opened it and stared blankly at the plane tickets for a long while. "We're going to Jacksonville?"

She sounded slightly excited, "That's the idea"

"I can't believe it. Renée is going to flip! You don't mind, though, do you? It's sunny; you'll have to stay inside all day." My Bella, she never ceased to surprise me by saying the strangest of things.

"I think I can handle it. If I'd had any idea that you could respond to a gift this appropriately, I would have made you open it in front of Carlisle and Esme. I thought you'd complain."

"Well, of course, it's too much. But I get to take you with me!"

My strange Bella; I chuckled; "Now I wish I'd spent money on your present. I didn't realise you were capable of being reasonable."

Her smile vanished as she scowled up at me, her eyes still laughing. She set the tickets aside and reached for my gift, I took it from her and unwrapped it like the first.

She stared at the CD for a moment, her face blank. "What is it?"

I took the disc from her and leaned across her to put into the CD player on her bedside table, I loved her warmth, I knew I felt cold to her, but sometimes I touched her anyway, the warmth of her felt so good. I hit play and leaned back, we waited in silence for her Lullaby to start.

She sat still, her eyes wide; did she like it? Why didn't she say anything? Tears appeared in her eyes and she wiped them away before they could fall.

"Does your arm hurt?"

"No, it's not my arm. It's beautiful, Edward. You couldn't have given me anything I would love more. I can't believe it."

We were quiet for a moment, just listening. "I didn't think you'd let me get you a piano so I could play for you here."

"You're right"

"How does your arm feel?" I could see it was beginning to bother her.

"Just fine" Why did she always try to lie? I would always see straight through her, and she knew it.

"I'll get you some Tylenol."

"I don't need anything" My Bella, always trying to do without what she truly did needed, I slid her off me and walked to the door.

"Charlie" She reminded me in a hiss.

"He won't catch me," I promised, before running to fetch the pills and a glass of water for her, catching the door before it swung shut on my return.

I handed her the pills and glass of water, she took them without arguing, which meant that her arm really was bothering her, even if she wouldn't admit it out loud.

"It's late" I murmured as I scooped her off the bed and placed her under the covers, I lay down beside her, on top of the covers, as much as I enjoyed her warmth, my cold could not be comfortable for her.

I put my arm across her, careful not to put too much weight on her delicate, breakable form. She sighed, leaning into me and resting her head on my shoulder.

"Thanks again," Her soft voice was a whisper.

"You're welcome."

My Bella, my precious Bella. I loved her so much, too much. She could not love me as much as I cared for her, beside the fact that the human mind is too small to cope, she could not love me, a monster, as I loved her, an angel.

It was selfish of me to have spent so long in her life, putting her in danger. It was wrong of me to have done so, I truly was a monster; the right thing to do would have been to have stayed in Denali. The right thing would have been to have never existed, to have never entered her life; never put her in danger.

It wasn't enough, it would never make up for all the wrong I'd done, but I would do the right now, what I should have done at the start; I would leave, leave her in peace and safety.

"What are you thinking about?"

It would be best not to tell her yet, regardless that it was best, she wouldn't take it well. "I was thinking about right and wrong, actually."

"Remember how I decided that I wanted you to _not _ignore my birthday?" Her off-topic reply was just a little bit too quick; she was trying to distract me.

"Yes." I answered warily.

"Well, I was thinking, since it's still my birthday, that I'd like you to kiss me again" She was smiling up at me, eyes shining in the darkness.

"You're greedy tonight" Not that I minded, I should though.

"Yes, I am- but please, don't do anything you don't want to do,"

I laughed, as if I'd ever not want to kiss her. Then sighed, I shouldn't want to, and I was leaving, something I definitely didn't want to do. "Heaven forbid that I should do anything I don't want to do," I put my hand under her chin, pulling her face up to mine.

I touched my lips to hers; the soft warmth felt wonderful moulding against my stone lips.

I would miss her so much, miss_ this _so much.

I pushed against her, careful not to hurt her, but more desperate. Needing to show her that I loved her, my free hand tangled in her hair, her hands around my neck, in my hair, pulling me closer, she pushed her body against mine, the warmth seeping through the blanket. She was crossing the lines, the lines I'd placed to protect her, to protect her from me. I let her. She wouldn't get another chance to break the rules, and I can't say I disliked it when she did.

But the rules where there for a good reason. I pulled away, pushing her away from me.

She collapsed backwards onto her pillow, gasping for breath. I'd forgotten to allow her time to breathe; I wasn't good for her.

"Sorry," I was out of breath too, though I didn't need it, "That was out of line."

"_I _don't mind" No, of course not; she never did.

"Try to sleep, Bella"

"No, I want you to kiss me again."

I growled in frustration, too quiet for her to hear. "You're overestimating my self-control."

"Which is tempting you more, my blood or my body?"

"It's a tie," I grinned briefly, "Now, why don't you stop trying to push your luck, and go to sleep."

"Fine" I had been expecting her to argue, she snuggled closer to me; she must really be tired to have given in so easily.

She shifted, resting her injured arm against my shoulder. She relaxed, presumably the cold of my skin helped numb the pain.

That was so Bella, never admitting her weaknesses. It probably didn't help that we were so much stronger than her; she no doubt felt that she should try to keep up, so she didn't inconvenience us. Bella never thought of herself, only of others. I wondered if perhaps she was with me because she knew it made me happy, maybe if she weren't so selfless, she wouldn't care for me. Perhaps all her love for me stemmed from a desire to please me; maybe she only loved me to make me happy.

That thought made the idea of leaving easier, just slightly. If her loved for me was based purely on her selflessness, then by leaving I'd be relieving her of the obligation to love me. It hurt that my presence in her life not only put her in danger, but also forced her to change herself for me, completely unnecessarily.

My precious, beautiful Bella, my love.

This realisation hurt, but I knew that she probably wasn't aware of it, helping others was so much a part of her, that she no doubt did it without even realising; she had no idea that she didn't really love me.

That hurt too, she was lying to herself over me. I was bad for her in every possible way.

If there was any doubt in my mind about whether I was leaving it faded as she shuddered into sleep by my side.

_

I'm a good liar. I need to be, but lying to Bella was hard, the best I could do was cut myself off, distance myself. I couldn't bring myself to lye completely, not to her, not yet.

I kissed her forehead and disappeared out her window while she was still half asleep.

I needed to tell my family we were leaving.

Rosalie would be pleased; she'd been saying for some time that it was time to move again, that we couldn't really stay any longer.

The others wouldn't take it so well, but they would accept it, and they would be out of town by tonight, I didn't need to ask Alice to know that my family would do as I asked in this instance.

Alice. Bella was her best friend, she would fight against this hardest, she would want to say goodbye, but she needed to stay with Jasper, he would need her now. And it would be best if I told Bella, the others would be gone by then.

* * *

**Please Review! **

**I'll put Chapter two up as soon as I have, say... 5 reviews.**

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

**AN; Wow I did not expect to get to my target number of reviews so quickly, less than 12 hours, you guys are amazing!**

**Thanks to my brilliant Beta Jingles4thestorm, I couldn't have done this without her, (well, I could, but it wouldn't have been nearly as good)**

They were packing, they would leave town early tomorrow morning at the latest.

Alice had been hardest to persuade, her thought's had battered at me, strangely intense, showing me visions of pain, intense pain, mine.

I already knew leaving her would be hard, but I didn't need to see it. I made her promise not to look into Bella's future; she fought, but agreed in the end.

She had also agreed to leave without saying goodbye, she didn't fight so hard over that, she seemed to realise that it would be best if I told Bella goodbye.

Bella was running late, not late enough to get into trouble, but later than usual. She pulled into the car park in time to get one of the last and worst spaces in the lot.

"How do you feel?" I asked as I opened her door for her, there was a tension in her forehead that indicated a headache.

"Perfect" I didn't call her on it.

We walked to class slowly, the silence between us was difficult to bear, but I couldn't find anything to say.

_

By lunch the silence was almost physically painful, I'd broken it several times to ask about her arm, she'd lied, and it had done little to relieve the awkwardness.

"Where's Alice?" This was the first time Bella had spoken without being prompted; it relieved the tension between us instantly.

I looked at the granola bar I was picking to pieces to hide the relief in my eyes as I answered, "She's with Jasper."

"Is he okay?"

"He's gone away for a while." It wasn't quite a lie, he hadn't left yet, they would still be packing, and he'd be gone for more than a while, but he would be going away. He'd never put Bella in danger again, and soon I would leave as well, removing all danger to my Bella.

"What? Where?"

"Nowhere in particular." I wished she'd change the subject. This was too painful.

"And Alice too." Of course Bella would miss Alice, her best friend. In a decade's time, when she thought back, would she perhaps miss Alice more than me?

"Yes. She'll be gone for a while. She was trying to convince him to go to Denali." We weren't going there, but Alice did want to.

Bella swallowed, she hung her head and her shoulders slumped.

"Is your arm bothering you?"

"Who cares about my stupid arm?" She let her head fall to the table top, and left it there for the rest of lunch.

_

I walked her to her truck in silence. The pain had returned threefold after her obvious distress that our conversation had caused. Yet more pain I had caused her.

"You'll come over later tonight?"

"Later?" Was I no longer welcome enough to come now? I supposed it was best, that she was avoiding me by herself, but it still hurt.

"I have to work. I had to trade with Mrs. Newton to get yesterday off."

"Oh" So she wasn't avoiding me, the relief of my heart was mixed with the disappointment of my mind.

"So you'll come over when I'm home, though, right?"

"If you want me to."

"I always want you" Did she though? Did she want me, or did she want me to be happy? I couldn't quite identify the difference, but it was there and it was significant, I could see that, but could Bella?

"All right then"

I kissed her forehead and shut the door of her truck behind her. I walked back to my car, to head back to the house, maybe help with the last of the packing, though Esme probably had most of it done by now, she may have left my CD collection for me to pack.

_

"Dad? Edward?" I was second. As it should be, but it hurt.

I had been home, helped pack the last of my music, kept a few CDs to listen to until I left, then said good bye to my family, comforting myself with the knowledge that I'd see them soon. I wouldn't have that luxury when I told Bella goodbye. I was now at Bella's house, watching TV with her dad.

"In here," Charlie replied. All too soon I wouldn't ever answer when she called, and yet I couldn't now, when I still could. My throat felt tight, I couldn't get any words through.

"Hi" I kept facing the TV, Just hearing her voice hurt right now, I needed to get better control over this before I could face her.

"Hey Bella." Charlie didn't turn either, in his case he was actually interested in what was on the TV. "We just had cold Pizza. I think it's still on the table."

"Okay" But she did not move.

I quickly threw walls up around my emotions and turned to her. "I'll be right behind you" I turned back to the TV, the walls had crumbled the moment I'd seen her, I needed them to be more solid than that before I went to face her. I scrambled for the strong stonewalls I'd hidden behind all day, only seeing my family leave, knowing I'd be next, had been enough to crumble them.

_

There was a flash from behind us, we both turned. I had been aware that Bella was there, I hadn't known that she had her camera with her.

"What are you doing Bella?" Charlie didn't sound happy about being on film.

"Oh, come on," The smile she gave as she walked over to the sofa where Charlie was laying was obviously fake, and her voice shook just slightly. She was a terrible actress, it hurt that she was trying to hide how she really felt because of me. It hurt that her happiness was fake. "You know Mum will be calling soon to ask if I'm using my presents. I have to get to work before she can get her feelings hurt."

"Why are you taking pictures of me though?" Charlie grumbled.

"Because you're so handsome," Her voice was just a little to dead for the teasing to sound right, even to human ears, "And because, since you bought the camera, you're obligated to be one of my subjects."

Charlie mumbled that he wouldn't get her anything next year then, but it was too quiet for Bella to be able to hear.

"Hey, Edward," She threw the camera to me, a strangled edge to her voice as she said my name, "Take one of me and my dad together."

She knelt by the end of the sofa, Charlie sighed, his thoughts a simple _Why?_

"You need to smile, Bella" I realised as I said it that I meant more than just for the picture. She pulled a strange grimace, not being a good enough actress to actually smile; she was an open book to anyone who cared to look. I took the picture, knowing she wouldn't smile anymore than that, and not wanting to draw attention to her discomfort.

"Let me take one of you kids" _Let me take one of anything, as long as I'm not in it. _I stood and threw the camera to him. Bella rose and came to stand beside me, I rested my hand on her shoulder; it was all I could manage.

Her arm wrapped around my waist, her warmth seeming to burn rather than comfort now.

"Smile, Bella" The camera flashed again, "That's enough pictures for tonight." _Quite enough thank you _"You don't have to use the whole roll now" He hid the camera in the depths of the sofa.

I stepped away from Bella; I couldn't bear to touch her any longer. It was torture, knowing it might be the last time.

* * *

**Don't you just paradoxically hate Edward? **

**Well since it took so little time to get to 6 reviews, and because I need more time to write, I'm going to ask to get the total up to 20 reviews for the next chapter.**

**(Please take a little longer than 12 hours this time, I only have 1 more chapter ready, then it's going to slow down quite a lot.)**

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay, so I didn't get all the reviews I wanted, actually I barely ot any, I'm very disappointed in you lot, you'll have to make it up to me with even more reviews for this chapter. ;)**

I lay sprawled across the sofa in my room, alone.

I had left Bella's house when the game had ended, I couldn't stay any longer, but it hurt so much to leave. It hurts now too, wondering if she's sleeping well, wondering if she's whispering my name as she does so many nights.

Maybe she'll sleep peacefully, it would make a change. Did she always dream? Or was it just my presence that disturbed her nights?

The CD had ended. I wondered absently how long ago it had ended; it didn't matter. I didn't even know what had been playing.

It wasn't important. Bella was all that mattered.

Was I doing the right thing, leaving her like this?

My family were upset, would she be too?

It was tearing me apart, would it tear her too?

Would she be alright without me?

If I stayed she was in danger, my presence put her in danger, but my Bella would always be a danger to herself without any help.

On the other hand she had survived until now without me, she didn't really need me.

My Bella, my dear Bella.

How I loved Her. How I would miss Her.

But this was right, I was sure of that.

* * *

I waited in the car park at school for Her in the morning, I had a feeling that my enforced lack of emotions was showing on my face, but said lack of emotions meant that I did not care.

We were silent through the morning, I walked beside Her to class, I couldn't bring myself to look at Her, it would hurt too much.

I spoke to Her once, whispering the answer to the teacher's question that She apparently hadn't heard, though he'd called Her name several times.

I bought Her lunch and we sat in silence. Then She took her camera from her bag and gave it to Jessica, telling her to take some photo's of everyone.

We sat in silence observing the photo war with little interest.

I walked Her to the car park after school.

I did not go to Her house that night.

I wondered many times that night if it were not better to simply leave now? The atmosphere between us was so dead that I wasn't helping anything by staying any longer.

I was only making Her uncomfortable.

But I'm a selfish creature, I delayed. I would see Her once more, then this had to stop.

For Her sake; I would leave.

* * *

Walking Her back to Her truck after school I knew I could delay no longer. I had thought about this all day. I would eliminate myself from Her life, it could go back to how it ought to be, monster-less.

I would take all reminders, She didn't deserve those.

"Do you mind if I come over today?"

"Of course not," She seemed surprised.

"Now?"

"Sure. I was just going to drop a letter for Renée in the mailbox on the way. I'll meet you there."

There was a fat envelope on the passenger seat, it no doubt contained copies of the photos She had taken, photos of me.

I reached over her and took the letter; I couldn't let Renée have those photos. "I'll do it, and I'll still beat you there." I smiled at Her, but couldn't put any feeling into it.

"Okay," She didn't smile back.

The letter was only a thank you note, it didn't mention any photos in particular, and I was glad; I didn't want to have to rewrite it. I took the photos of my from the pile, resealed the envelope and sent it.

I did beat Her home, parking in Charlie's spot, it didn't matter, I wasn't staying long.

I used the spare key and entered Her house, I went to the kitchen first, forging a note to Charlie from Her, telling him that we'd gone for a walk. I went to Her bedroom, I took my present to Her from the CD player, I took the photos of me from the scrapbook on the floor, and I took the tickets from where they sat on Her desk. I looked at the things in my hands.

I couldn't do it, I couldn't leave Her with nothing, but I could let Her keep them either, She needed a chance to forget. I pulled up the floorboard that always creaked, placed the items beneath and secured the board back into its place.

I could hear Her truck thundering along about two roads away. I looked around one last time, knowing I'd never see this place again; then flew downstairs, locking the door and replacing the key.

I could delay no more.

It was time.

Time to tear my unbeating heart apart.

* * *

I was sitting in my car as She pulled up, I got out as She stopped and reached Her in time to open Her door for Her, as I always did. I took Her bag, like I always did, and put it back into the truck, like I never did.

"Come for a walk with me"

She didn't respond, not gracing me with the sweet sound of Her voice, but I took Her hand, pulling Her along with me, it hadn't been a question anyway.

I lead the way across the yard to the path leading into the forest, stopping only a little way into the woods, we could still the house, I didn't want Her to not be able to find Her way home.

I leant against a tree and just stared at Her; the love of my life, the very meaning of my existence, who I was leaving and would never see again.

"Okay, let's talk"

No more delaying, I took a deep unnecessary breath, "Bella, we're leaving"

"Why now? Another year-"

I cut Her off, unable to listen to the arguments. "Bella, it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless."

I stopped there and just focused on keeping my face blank, on not closing the distance between us and never letting Her go. She looked confused and I allowed myself a brief moment to burn it into my memory, She looked so very adorable when She was confused, then the confusion was replaced by some other emotion I couldn't quite identify and She turned pale.

"When you say _we_…"She whispered so quietly even I barely heard Her.

"I mean my family and myself." I spoke each word separately and distinctly, I couldn't risk a misunderstanding.

She shook Her head back and forth slowly, though it didn't look as though She was denying what I had said, my heart ached with a new intensity every second, but I would not, could not, let that show on my face. We were silent for several minutes, just staring at each other. I wished again that I could see into Her mind, but the thought was distant, I didn't really care if I could hear Her thoughts or not as long as I was with Her. I didn't move, just savouring every last second with Her, until She broke the silence.

"Okay, I'll come with you."

"You can't, Bella. Where we're going… it's not the right place for you"

"Where you are is the right place for me." Could She not see the danger my presence put Her in? I had explained it to her, yet still She thought She was safe with me, the least safe place She could possibly be.

"I'm no good for you, Bella"

"Don't be ridiculous," Her words were quiet, as if She was only saying what the situation demanded, no feeling behind them, "You're the very best part of my life"

"My world is not for you" She had to understand the danger She was in, even this very second.

"What happened with Jasper- that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!"

"You're right, it was exactly what was to be expected" She was finally grasping this crucial concept.

"You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay-"

"As long as it was what's best for you" I wasn't breaking any promises by leaving, I was keeping them if anything.

"_No!_" She shouted, the increase in volume wasn't accompanied by an increase in feeling; that was as absent as ever. "This is about my soul, isn't it? Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you- it's yours already!"

I took a deep breath and stared at the ground, it wasn't Her soul, it was simply Her safety, also something She apparently didn't care about but that was very important to me.

I had to do it, I didn't want to, but She left me no choice. I was trying to do what was best for Her and She too stubborn to let me, so I would have to do it; I would have to lie.

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me."

She was silent for a long moment, I simply stared at Her, completely focused on my poker face, making sure She wouldn't see anything to contradict my words.

"You… don't… want me?" Her soft voice was so quiet and tentative, it ripped my shattered heart apart.

"No." I hated myself, I hated what I was doing, but I didn't stop.

"Well, that changes things," Her voice was calm and steady, at such odds with the tumult within me that I had to look away before I spoke again.

"Of course, I'll always love you..." It was the truest thing I'd ever said, but I couldn't leave it like that, couldn't leave Her wondering, it had to be final, "in a way." So I twisted the truth into a lie, this is what my world is, why I don't want it for Her. "But what happened the other night made me realise that it's time for a change. Because I'm… _tired _of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I'm not human. I've let this go on much too long and I'm sorry for that." Sorry to have allowed myself to place Her in danger for so long.

"Don't." Her voice was barely a whisper, so faint I barely caught it, and She was even paler now. "Don't do this."

I stared at Her, trying not to let the truth show in my face, it had never been so hard before.

She hung Her head in defeat, it was so hard not to go to Her, to comfort Her, She shouldn't be sad; it was wrong.

"I won't, you can't make me," The words were so quiet I thought I had imagined them; then She looked up, a fire raging in Her beautiful brown eyes, words exploding out of Her, "I won't be without you!"

I stared at Her, I was aware that She wouldn't let me go easily, but I had not predicted those words. On the other hand, She was always doing what I didn't expect, why change now?

"You're not good for me, Bella" This was my trump card, the one I hadn't wanted to use, because I knew it would hurt.

"You're lying! Please, Edward, please tell me you're lying. I love you! I can't… I…" She looked like She should be crying, but there were no tears. She swayed slightly where She stood, but remained upright.

The ache in my chest was becoming unbearable, like the ache in my throat I reminded myself, I could resist that to keep Her safe, I could shoulder this pain too. Silent tearless sobs shook Her shoulders as She stared at me with wide eyes. I made no response to Her words, simply focusing on keeping my eyes cold, hard and, most importantly, empty. I couldn't back down now, I had to go through with it.

Her eyes closed as She focused on getting Her breathing under control. "I love you, I won't be without you. But if you want to go, then I can't stop you." Her expressive eyes opened again and found my own carefully blank eyes, "So thank you, Edward, for this last summer, it was the best of my life."

We were silent for a moment, simply observing each other, each lost in our pain. Then I nodded and pushed away from the tree I was leaning against.

"Promise me you'll take care of yourself?" I kept my voice carefully light, as if it were only a small request, not the one most important thing in the universe.

She simply looked at me, Her eyes beginning to shine with tears.

"And I'll make you a promise in return, I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed." It would be difficult, but for Her sake I would keep that promise for as long as She lived, hopefully a very long time.

She didn't respond, but a single tear fell across Her cheek, I resisted the instinct to wipe it and its cause away, and smiled gently at Her, "Don't worry. You're human- your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."

Again She didn't respond, "Well that's all I suppose. We won't bother you again."

She blinked, but didn't seem to see me. "Goodbye, Bella."

I turned and walked back to my car, getting in and driving as fast as I ever have. I made it about 50 miles before I had to pull over, the sobs shaking me making it impossible to drive any further.

It was done. I couldn't go back. I could never go back.

* * *

I wished for unconsciousness, I had wished for it many times over my long past, but never like this before.

* * *

Thoughts drove past. The radio played quietly. The engine idled.

* * *

Thoughts drove past. The radio played quietly. The engine died.

* * *

The radio stopped. There was silence.

* * *

My phone broke the silence. I didn't move.

* * *

It rang again.

* * *

And again.

* * *

It trilled a received text.

* * *

It rang again.

* * *

"Edward?" Alice was at my window. I didn't move.

The passenger door opened and she got in. "Edward." The pity in her voice forced me to move. I looked at her.

"I brought a new battery for your car, and petrol. Will you be okay now?" _We'll wait for you in Denali, take as long as you need. _I nodded, grateful they would allow me the space I needed. I wasn't able to function yet; I didn't want to have to force myself to do so for my family's sake.

We sat in silence for a time as Alice observed me and I silently willed her to just leave me alone.

_How'd she take it?_ Not really something I wanted to think about, all I could see was Her tear filled eyes staring listlessly back at me.

_That bad?_ Something in my expression must have told her, _I'm sure you can go back, Edward. She loves you, she'll forgive you. No really, love is forgiving, and Bella's not one to hold a grudge._ Again something in my expression must have told her, but she was wrong.

"You didn't see the look in her eyes." My voice was horse and dry from lack of use and I wondered how long I had been sitting here.

Alice winced, _You really hurt her…_ I closed my eyes, I doubted that she'd intended me to hear that last thought.

"Humans recover, she'll be okay…" _but will you? _Again I doubted I was meant to hear, _If only I could look, just once, to check she'll be okay… _

"No! You promised you wouldn't look, that we'd get out of her life and we'd stay that way!"

"I only want to check that she'll recover, anyone could see how deeply she cared for you, you leaving will have hurt her, I need to know that my friend will recover, that she won't spend her life pining after you, she deserves better than that."

I didn't want to have this argument with her again, but Alice could be as stubborn as She could when she wanted to be.

"What would you do if you see something bad?" I wouldn't allow her to return, she knew that.

"I'd keep arguing with you, until you gave in and went back to her. She's everything to you, and if you're everything to her as well then you need to go back before you're both destroyed." Alice was quiet for a moment then continued in a softer voice, "She'll be feeling the same pain you are right now, if not worse. You know as well as I do that she wouldn't accept your reasons for leaving, so you won't have told her those, you'll have made something up that will hopefully allow her to let go and move on. I don't remember being human, but I can't imagine that they're so very different on the inside to us, she'll be feeling hurt, betrayed, lonely and confused; she loved you, and thought that you loved her, you leaving will cause her to doubt that. No! Edward listen to me!" I had turned away, her words forcing me to face what I already knew, and was trying to ignore. "She's in a mess right now, I'm her friend, it's a friends job to be there at times like these to help her through, but I can't be there. I need to know that she's strong enough to make it on her own. I need to look." _Don't you? _The silent question echoed accusatorily in my head for several long moments, before I looked up.

"Look." One last time, one last time I would see Her, just to make sure She would be okay, that I hadn't damaged Her irreparably, then we'd truly be gone. I would never see Her again, and She could finally live Her life as She was meant to.

_Flashes, short and faint, like an old movie, changing so quickly I could never be quiet sure of what I had seen. Bella crying, Bella sat on her bed staring into space, Bella stood in the hall contemplating her father's gun, Bella cooking dinner unaware that it was burning, Bella at work, Bella at school, Bella walking through the woods, Bella at our house, Bella at an airport, Bella with her mother in Jacksonville, Bella sat outside a yellow house turning pink in the sun, Bella in a new school, Bella stumbling, falling to the ground, and not getting up. Always with the same haunted look in her eyes, there were shadows beneath those empty orbs, contrasting heavily with her pale skin, she almost resembled a vampire, but was still clearly human. _

"Edward! She's not getting better! Oh, she's so hurt! Please, please you must go back!" Alice would have been in tears if it were possible.

"Look further, Alice! She will get better!"

_Bella sat under a tree, Bella lying in her bed staring at the ceiling, Bella trudging through graduation, Bella sat with her mother who was filling out forms for universities, Bella sat on a bus leaning against the window, Bella tripping and somebody asking if she was okay, Bella sat in a canteen looking straight through the plate of food in front of her, Bella in a hospital, Bella being treated for anorexia, Bella shying away from a TV, Bella sat looking at the pages of Wuthering Heights without reading it, Bella lying in a hospital bed staring at the ceiling, Bella sat beside her mother who was talking to her, Bella with doctors around her bed._

"Edward, please just go back! You have to …" Alice broke down in sobs.

"Look further, she will get better."

"No! There is no further! That's as far as I can see! It ends; Bella ends!"

I stared at her, she couldn't mean it. She couldn't… "Ends…?"

"It wasn't even a year, there's only one year left Edward."

Alice got out of the car and walked back to the Mercedes, she got in and drove away. I sat there, not believing, unable to even consider it.

Alice had been known to be wrong, the future changes.

I couldn't go back, She would be okay.

I got out of the car and fetched the petrol and the battery Alice had brought me, I put them in the car and drove away, I would get further than fifty miles this time.

* * *

**Okay, so my previous target still stands, total of 20 reviews please people, even if it's just a "great, keep going", or a "That was rubish, fire your beta" (Soz Jingles, you're doing great no one's really going to say that) or even a "That was awful, you are a disgrace to authors everywhere, I demand that you immediatly terminate your account on FanFiction" (I hope no one will say that either)Whatever you have to say go ahead and say it, there are loads of people reading and I would love to hear from you!**


End file.
